The Last of Us is a zombie apocalypse show without that many zombies. Sure, on occasion the Z's run on screen, commit their slaughters and then run off. They're like the flood tide -- in and out on a regular schedule. It seems the show's creators want a soap opera with zombies, but the Z's don't talk, let alone gossip, hence their absence.
I take it all back. I saw a movie once where a zombie talked, only it was more of an internal monologue. He didn't much like being a zombie -- shuffling around, wondering if his arm would fall off and if his next meal is on the ground around the corner. This walking, talking, and complaining intellectual had real melodramatic potential. I won't say the movie was entertaining, but it made me feel better about my own circumstances. I started watching it because of the attractive girl in the promo (yes, I'm that shallow). However, even the beauty couldn't keep me interested. So: why would I watch a Zombie soap opera with so few zombies and not one stunningly attractive female? I hoped it might be worth a blog post.
The first episode of LOU was pretty good, so I watched the second. After the second, Joel "the morose" and the feisty, uncooperative girl he protects, are on their own. The third diverged into a lesson in morality: that it is possible for two people to work together if they both have facial hair. The fourth is like a road movie that asks the question why would Joel and the kid go to Kansas City? but doesn't answer it. Then the fifth asks: how the hell do they get out of Kansas City after they're dumb enough to go there? Well, it's a struggle, a real f-ing struggle -- worst than St. Louis!
In episode six we flash forward three months, and it's now a road movie without the road. They've been wandering around in the wilderness for weeks and they've passed this one "cabin in the woods" a couple times. Each time the girl insists they stop to ask directions but Joel refuses. He says he knows where they are, they're in North America. But when the cabin has a sign hanging outside that says "Soups On," they stop for some direction -- which the actors badly need. Even though the folks in the cabin have plenty of food, they eat and leave. When Joel is outside he grabs his chest and almost faints. I feared he'd die of heart failure and become just another old, dead white guy.
It's an anxiety attack. Before, when those monsters tried to kill him -- and that's just the regular people -- it didn't cause anxiety. In fact, Joel was so serene he could sleep through an ambush. For him, the root cause of anxiety is fresh air, trees, and a lot of peace and quiet. So: when you live on the knife edge, stay there.
The cabin couple told them to cross the River of Death, which, once Joel catches his breath, they do. Surprise! The far side does not hold the Heart of Darkness, as we're led to expect, but the Soul of Enlightenment! Enlightenment is confined in a stockade built around a picturesque small town whose former inhabitants turned into walking mushrooms. This ideal community runs on the principles of communism. Fortunately, no one has read "The Tragedy of the Commons," which would give away the ending.
I find it's a bad idea to get into political arguments with fictional characters, so I will point the gentle reader to And then there were none by Eric Frank Russell, who provides a fictional libertarian alternative (MYOB).
Joel and the girl stay in a beautiful house where the plush decor is the only sign of the composted previous inhabitants. The Matriarch of the Commie Commune gives the girl a diaphragm for use when she's having sex. Which raises the question: who is she having sex with? She's been on the road with Joel for months. They will leave early the next morning for another arduous journey to meet up with her parents (at least that's the story they gave the matriarch). She's having intercourse, of course -- with Joel. It has to be Joel. Oh, Joel, say it ain't so! Tell us the scriptwriters, who know you better than anyone, got it wrong.
But Joel is in no condition to have sex. If fresh air and trees made him anxious, being around enlightened and helpful people who mean him no harm makes him suicidal. No wonder he wants to run from that communal ideal and the witty girl, who put the "chirp" in chirpy. And sure enough, the girl tries to buck him up.
The gift of the diaphragm says the girl can have sex but she shouldn't have children. You see, Gaia finally got the human population down to a manageable level and the matriarch wants to keep it that way.
In any case, there's a rumor in the common dining area that the girl is a lesbian, so maybe the diaphragm is meant as a barter item for when she's on the road. In their communist system, you don't pay for your food and drink. How do they keep people from consuming too much? They hang fat people. Remember how the pleasantly uber-plump inhabitants of the cabin-in-the-woods spoke of this Shangri-la in the Rockies with a dead-pan dread? That couple wouldn't be hanging around the dining area, they'd be hanging around until they got cut down.
The next morning Joel and the girl are back on the road and Joel is looking for the end of the road. At the end of the episode, he finds it.
In my review of episode one, I said that once Joel left Boston and its girl bosses he would have "room to grow (or shrink) -- if he can escape the ever-present, domineering forces of the matriarchy." Apparently, he carried the matriarchy around with him like a crushing burden, and rather than shrink he shriveled.
