Safety Quest

 Oh, hell. I don't feel like explaining this.

 Quest Carefully

Often when on a Quest
You'll create an unholy mess
And cause great distress to others:
Such as horses, goats and your mother.
So it is best,
Outside the nest,
To Quest -- carefully.

When you see a dragon at the break of day,
Run away.
Run away.
Do not believe what the soothsayers say.
Require proof
From the sooth.
If an old man on a bridge offers his advice,
Treat him nice.
Treat him nice.

Quest Carefully.

Use care as you stare
At Buxom, bawdy, barmaids.
Do not imbibe the potions you get
From cute redheads, and brunettes.
Blonds, too,
If it's true,
They've had more fun --
Meaning more flings flung.
And when climbing a ladder
To rescue her from "what's the matter?"
Don't stand on the top rung.

Quest Carefully.

As you pursue your Quest
Never rest, never rest --
Recklessly.
Do not be reckless in your rest!

Sleep with care.

Beware! The woods have bears
And the forest is where
The wolves have their lairs.
And never eat meat
unless it's been cooked to an internal temperature
Of 160 degrees Fahrenheit and you should immediately refrigerate --
Yes, refrigerate!
The unused portions.
This is also the case
When you reheat -- and eat --
the meat you think safe.
Why not be a Vegan?

Quest Carefully. Quest Carefully.
And as you quest, never rest -- recklessly.

I left some hair colors out (space considerations).

Slap them with a Tax

I wrote some lyrics! They are lyrical! They can be sung to the tune of every Radiohead song I’ve ever heard (I haven’t heard them all).

 Big G and the D.C.’s

When I see you eating Big Macs,
With your happy-meal deal kids
I feel your weight upon my shoulders.
I want to…
Slap, slap, slap.

I see you in your big car,
On a commute that is too far;
I feel my temperature rising.
I want to…
Slap, slap, slap.

At the movies when you eat popcorn
So full of salt and fat
I feel forlorn.
and want to…
Slap, slap, slap.

Slap, slap, slap!
Slap them with a tax!
Slap. Slap!
Slap them with a tax!

I don’t want to be your lover,
I just want to control
what’s in your cupboard.

Slap, slap!
Slap them with a tax!

I don’t want to be your doctor
I just want to decide
What's proper.

Slap, slap!
Slap them with a tax!

I don’t want to be your banker,
Just the confiscator of your
Stash, stash, stash!
I don’t want to be your savior,
Just your reg-you-lay-tor, 

Until you meet your Undertaker.

Now, no more lip as I count the bullets in your clips.
Peace.

 15 Steps then a Shear Drop!

It's Powerful Stuff

Some years ago I started doing commentary on current events through the use of musical comedy. Unfortunately, it led to uncontrolled weeping so I stopped. Still, I like putting my thoughts in song (yes, song!), and here is my latest attempt. Think Punk Rock. Starts sweet, ends loud.

Clerk Power

I know you think I'm heaven sent

The greatest hope your world presents.

Your situation's critical

But to me you're typical.

Bad vibrations,

In creation.

Alienation

fills the nation.

Check the box, don't pout!

Just fill -- your forms out.

We must know you. Or we'll no you.
Yes, we know you. And will no you.
Don't break the mold. It fits you.
That moldy mold? Is for you.
Clerk Power. Clerk Power.

I got you feeling desperate

The needs you have are barely met.

But leave no blanks upon the form,

Always behave within the norm.

I'll estrange you.

Rearrange you.

Bad vibrations

Fill creation.

Alienation,

throughout the nation.

I will serve you,

On a platter.

Does it matter? Do you matter?

Clerk Power! Clerk Power!

Clerk Power! Clerk Power!

I know you think I'm heaven sent

The greatest chance your world presents.

But before solutions are devised
All interviews must be reprized.

I'll estrange you!

Rearrange you!

Take your measure?

At my pleasure!

Fill the forms out.

Does it fit now?

Have a cow, now?

Don't act crazy!

Take a nap now.

Don't be lazy!

Or outrageous

It's contagious!

Here to serve you,

On a platter.

Does it matter? Does it matter?
Don't you matter? Do you matter?

Clerk Power! Clerk Power! Clerk Power!

Whew. I was shouting a bit much at the end there. Calm. Down. When did the slogan All Power to the People become All Power to the Clerks?  When the people shouting "All Power to the People" became clerks.

With apologies to Kurt Cobain.